11. Use irony - Try to sound sarcastic. Try
to sound like you don't mean whatever it is you are
saying. Mean it, though. (If this sounds weird,
imagine David Letterman saying, "Aren't we having fun,
kids?") You're really, really hip. Why not say it
and just make everyone else figure out how you mean
12. Be political - Write in the style of a State of
the Union Address. (If you aren't familiar with such
addresses, imitate any political address you know.)
Use alliteration - Recognize the resonance of the words you
write. Capture consecutive consonants or allow aspirants
to enter your work.
14. Kvetch - Ohhh, enough of this
already. There's too much worrk, my fingers are sore,
and I am running out of things to say. So, complain, but
complain in a sing-song way.
15. Teen-age telephone
talk - Oh my gosh! Did you hear that he wants us to write
another journal entry? I heard Sally said Tommy told her
there were supposed to be 16 of them!
sided-phone conversation - Uh-huh. Yeah. That's
it. Just sit down and write. Yeah, about 15
minutes without stopping. You should try to write as if
you are only one voice in a two-person telephone
conversation. Of course. You're welcome. And
no, I did not put the shaving cream in your tennis
17. Coach-speak - Don't just sit there.
Write. The students at Wilkes aren't just sitting
there. Nooo. They're busy writing. And
they're counting on you not to write. They're just
waiting for you to roll over for them. But you know
what? I can't here you? We're gonna get
them. You're gonna get them. Now go write that
18. Third person self - Joe thinks this might
be a good rhetoric for you to try. He says you should
think about writing about yourself as if you were describing
19. Dr. Evil - If you don't write this
journal entry now, I will have you liquidated, won't I Mr.
Bigglesworth? Just write the journal entry and deposit
one hundred billion dollars - in quarters thank you very much
- into the Big Boy bank.