and try to be clever in indicating their
3. Surferspeak - Try to sound like a surfer
dude or dudette, y'know, like from the Valley.
Extended metaphor/Allegory - A good writer is like a
lawn-mower; he or she imposes a regular pattern on the chaos
of grass and weeds in the midst of his or her topic, cutting
each blade down to sentence-height and giving it a manicured
place in the garden of the argument. Use a metaphor that
goes well beyond its original function. Let it run
rampant. If you need to use three or four different ones
to complete your entry, then do so.
5. Enter Wayne's
World - Imitate Wayne. (What you do with Garth is up to
6. Sarcasm - Say exactly what you mean.
Write so that every single nuance of your styles contributes
to the direct and straightforward meaning of your text.
Whatever you do, don't imply that you might mean the reverse
of what you are saying.
parallelism/Anaphora - Repeat the same group of words at the
beginning of successive clauses or paragraphs; repeat that
group of words to play with the emphasis of your argument or
narrative; repeat that same group to imply connections in your
material that might not otherwise be there; repeat those words
throughout your paper, experimenting with their
8. Timewarp -Write in the style you might have
used when you were a first-year student in high
9. Impersonate Hemingway -Sound like bad
Hemingway. Measure each word. Make your sentences
short. Use short words. Let the deep pain lie
beneath your words. Know your subject. Write your
subject. Know your writing is good. (If you
haven't read any Hemingway, don't worry; you should still be
able to fake it just fine.)
10. Go to DisneyWorld - Try
to sound as if you have just quarterbacked your team to a 77-0
Super Bowl victory or as if you have just won Nobel prizes for
literature and physics in the same year. You are
unstoppable and brilliant. Even E.F. Hutton shuts up and
listens when you speak. Someone wants your opinion on
F. Write about a time that you found yourself
enjoying the music that was playing around you.
Write about a television show you absolutely
H. Describe someone you know from
school. Use pseudonyms as necessary.
J. Describe your morning in detail.
Leave nothing out.
K. Argue for or against banning
bicycles on River Road.
L. Write a dialogue between the
subject of your profile and anyone else you choose.
Explain why birds sing.
N. Summarize Hamlet (or Moby Dick, or Star Wars, or any book or movie most of
the class will be familiar with.)
O. Tell the history
of a monument or painting on campus.
P. Argue for or
against the claim that Beck is the greatest rock and roll
performer in America today.
Q. Write about a time in
your experience when a question of etiquette